Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Are You Smarter Than a Devastator?

I started work on this over two years ago, not too long after completing the Family Feud photocomic.  Unfortunately, I was never able to get very far in the picture-taking (and editing!) process.  Rather than let it continue to gather dust, and while the game show Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader? is still on the airwaves enough that people will get the joke, I'll post the script with such images as I've prepared.  Enjoy!

Alpha Trion: Welcome to Are You Smarter Than a Devastator? I'm your host, Alpha Trion! Let's meet our class!

(Introduce each Devastator in turn: Generation One, Classics, Micromaster, Action Master, and Universe Devastators are all shown.)

(Frame shows Wheelie running into the studio)
Alpha Trion:  And here's our first contestant. Wheelie!

Wheelie: Wheelie say, it's time to play!

(Categories and Grade Levels are displayed)  Alpha Trion:  All right, you're going to work your way up to our top prize of 1 million Energon cubes by answering questions from these categories.

Alpha Trion:  And, of course, you get to chose one of our Devastators to help you out! Who will it be?

Wheelie: Wheelie here to have some fun. So it's got to be G1!

Alpha Trion: All right, now choose your first category.

Wheelie: Because this is introduction, let's chose Level 1 Destruction

Alpha Trion: OK. Here's the question: What is the best way to destroy an Autobot stronghold?

(next frame) Alpha Trion: G1 Devastator has his answer locked in. What's your answer, Wheelie?

Wheelie: Though it seems unwise to state, sneaking through the access gate!

Alpha Trion: I'm sorry, but that answer is incorrect. The correct answer is “Smash it!” But G1 Devastator can still save you, if he wrote “Smash it.” Let's see Devastator's answer!

(Badly scrawled word “SMASH!” appears on screen)

Alpha Trion: Congratulations! G1 Devastator has saved you, and you now have 1,000 Energon cubes, what will you do ne--? (Alpha Trion is interrupted by Devastator smashing Wheelie, screaming “Smash! Smash!” Wheelie is flattened)

(Alpha Trion looks down at Wheelie's clearly unconscious form.) Oh, dear! I guess we'll have to bring out a substitute contestant to pick up where Wheelie left off. Let's introduce... Waspinator!

(Waspinator takes place at podium)

Alpha Trion: Waspinator, which Devastator would you like to have help you on this question?

Waspinator: Wazzzzzpinator choozzze Micromazzzter Devazzzzstator!

Alpha Trion: OK, and what category would you like to choose?

Waspinator: Wazzzzpinator choozzzzzzes Level 2 Pulverizzzation!

Alpha Trion: Here's the question. How should you make sure that an enemy target is completely destroyed?

(next frame) Alpha Trion: Devastator has locked in his answer. What do you think?

Waspinator: Wazzzpinator not like this! Wazzzpinator want to copy Greenbot's answer!

Alpha Trion: OK. You're using one of your cheats, and you'll be locked into whatever answer Devastator gives. Let's see it.

(Another badly written “SMASH!” appears on the screen!)

Alpha Trion: That's correct! “Smash it” is once again the answer! You now have 2000 Ener-- (interrupted by Devastator yelling “Smash! Smash!” and swinging at Waspinator, knocking off his head.)

(picture of Waspinator's head lying on floor) Wazzzpinator hatez this game....

(Alpha Trion looks down again) Oh, no! Not again! Well, we'll just have to bring in another substitute contestant. Let have a round of applause for Grimlock! (Grimlock appears at podium in T-Rex mode)

Alpha Trion: Welcome to the game Grimlock. Which Devastator would you like to play with?

Grimlock: Me, Grimlock, choose Universe Devastator!

Alpha Trion: And what category will you be playing with?

Grimlock: Me, Grimlock, like Level 4 Tactics

Alpha Trion: OK. Here's the question: You are badly outnumbered, but your enemies are no match for your own personal strength. How do you survive this battle?

Grimlock: Me, Grimlock, want to peek at Devastator's answer!

Alpha Trion: OK. That's your last cheat. Let's see what Devastator wrote down.

(Answer appears in calligraphy script: “I would chose a melee defense, taking hold of one of my enemies' fallen bodies, and swinging it around my own body in rapid fashion, thereby eliminating many other enemies all at once as his form connects with theirs.”)

Grimlock: Me, Grimlock, think something wrong with Devastator. Me choose own answer. Me, Grimlock say, 'smash through them.'

Alpha Trion: That's correct! You now have 5,000 Energon Cubes!

Grimlock: Me, Grimlock, not as dumb as me look!

Alpha Trion: That's all the time we have for today! We'll see you next time! (last frame shows Universe Devastator saying “Well, of course, you can smash through them if you want to be crude about it, but my way would be much more efficient at dispatching a greater number of opponents with a minimum of--” Grimlock interrupts--“Me, Grimlock, think you talk too much!”)

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